Ocean Tied Read online

  “Okay.”

  He kissed her with heat and need, and Rilla had to force herself away. It would be so easy to spend the day in bed with him, but she had to go out. The ocean was calling, and she couldn’t ignore it much longer. Waiting until he was in the shower would be torture enough.

  “I’ll try to have breakfast ready when you’re finished,” she said with a smile. “Everything you need is in there. Towel, soap, all of it. Enjoy.”

  “Thanks.” He looked at her uncertainly.

  She left the room before he could speak again and hurried to the stove to pretend she was cooking breakfast. She felt his gaze on her as he went from bedroom to bathroom, but she didn’t turn around.

  As soon as she heard water running in the bathroom, she ran outside. Still nude. Her neighbors wouldn’t notice; they hadn’t yet.

  She leapt from the cliff. Behind her, Ciaran screamed her name.

  Rilla had no time to react. As she fell, her body shifted. She hit the ocean’s surface as vaguely human-shaped liquid and fell through the water. Going home. This was where she belonged. Where she had always belonged.

  For that moment, nothing mattered but rejoining the sea.

  After time Rilla couldn’t measure, she emerged and allowed her bones and skin to reform. When she looked up toward her cottage, her heart stopped. Ciaran stood at the top of the cliff, white-faced and blue-lipped. He wore only jeans and a thin flannel shirt despite the winter air.

  He had seen everything. She couldn’t hide.

  She took a long breath. She didn’t want to hide. Of all the people she’d ever known, Ciaran was one she wanted to trust with her secret.

  She made her way up the rocks with an ease born of years of practice. As she reached Ciaran, he held out a blanket. Uncertainly, she stepped forward, and he wrapped her in the warmth of fabric and his arms.

  “You scared the fuck out of me,” he said.

  “You were supposed to be in the shower.” She touched his lips with a finger. “Come inside and warm up.”

  “Will you tell me what the hell just happened?”

  “I’ll do my best.” Her chest tightened, and she wanted to run. His words were harsh, but his tone and expression gave away nothing. She feared his anger, but more, she feared he would walk away from her once he knew the truth.

  They went into the cottage, and Rilla pulled the wooden chair close to the woodstove. “Sit down.”

  “You should be colder than I am.” Ciaran obeyed her order. “What the hell, Rilla?”

  “Are you angry?” She felt foolish asking, but she had no other way to know.

  “I don’t know.” He shivered. “You jumped off a frigging cliff. I’m freaked out. I don’t know about angry.”

  Rilla draped the blanket over him. “Let me get dressed and get you something warm to drink.”

  “You aren’t supposed to be taking care of me.” He pulled the blanket around himself. “Shit. Rilla—”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  She hurried into the bedroom and closed the door before he could say anything more. How can I explain? She wasn’t cold because temperature didn’t affect her. Especially when she changed form. The cold ocean water would kill a human, but she wasn’t entirely human.

  She pulled on sweatpants and a T-shirt. Nothing she could say to Ciaran would make sense. She barely understood it herself. Her mother had told her the connection to the ocean, the shifting, the insusceptibility to cold or heat were legacies from Rilla’s father, but she hadn’t been able to tell Rilla anything more about the man. And Rilla had never met him. She doubted he even knew he’d fathered a child.

  Rilla didn’t know what she was. She knew only that she was part of the sea, and that if she was away from the water for long, she weakened. That was why she’d constantly run out of school to stand near the shore. She didn’t know what would happen if she was away too long. She didn’t want to find out.

  She returned to the main room and set a pot of water on the stove to heat so she could make coffee or hot cocoa for Ciaran. He shouldn’t have gone outside in so little clothing.

  “Talk to me,” Ciaran said. “I’m not angry, Rilla, but I want to understand. Please.”

  Rilla leaned against the counter and took a deep breath. “I don’t know how well I can explain. Whatever I say, just let me say it, okay? I’ll try to answer your questions. I just don’t know if I can.”

  “I’ll listen.” He held out his hand. “All this time we’ve been talking, I feel like I know you better than most of my friends and family. I want to know anything you’ll tell me.”

  Hesitantly, Rilla took his hand, and the touch calmed her immediately. We belong together. She’d felt it the night before, a connection to Ciaran nearly as strong as the one she had to the sea, but she’d rejected it. It was too soon.

  It was too right.

  “I don’t know everything,” she said slowly. “My father... my mother barely knew him. A one-night stand mistake sort of deal. She never saw him again after that night. By the time she realized she was pregnant, she could barely remember his name.”

  “That must have been hard for you.” Ciaran clapped his free hand over his mouth. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” Rilla gave him a faint smile. “It wasn’t easy, but Mom did her best. She realized early that if I was away from the water, I got sick. And then one day when I was a few months old, she took me into the ocean and I—I changed. She said she dropped me because I wasn’t solid anymore. Still shaped like a baby, but as if I were made of water. It scared the shit out of her.”

  She paused. Ciaran merely nodded.

  “It sounds ridiculous,” Rilla said. “I mean, I wouldn’t believe it myself if I didn’t live it. But I can’t be away from the ocean. I start feeling weak and anxious if I’m away from it for more than an hour or so. That’s why my mother bought this cottage. That’s why I always walked out of school. And sometimes I need to be in the water. I’m part of it. It’s home.”

  She stopped again and squeezed Ciaran’s hand, hoping he would take that as a sign she needed him to speak.

  “So this morning, you were sort of getting your fix,” he said. He quirked his mouth. “That doesn’t sound right, but you know what I mean. You needed to be in the water.”

  “Yes.” Relieved, Rilla sagged against him. “The pull just becomes too much, and I have to go. I waited until I thought you were in the shower so you wouldn’t see. I’m sorry you were scared.”

  “I’m sorry you didn’t think you could tell me about this.” Ciaran pushed the blanket to the floor and pulled Rilla onto his lap. “I know we’ve only been talking online, but I’d hoped you would trust me enough to open up to me about yourself, especially once I got here.”

  “No one knows.” Her eyes watered, and she took a ragged breath. She wasn’t sure whether she was on the verge of tears because of his acceptance or because of fear. “My mother was the only one who knew. She kept me away from everyone. She was afraid someone would study me or hurt me if they found out. I haven’t been a hundred percent alone, but I’ve never gotten close enough to anyone to tell them about myself.”

  “You were afraid.” He held her more tightly. “I wish you hadn’t been afraid to tell me. I’m glad you have now.” He hesitated then chuckled softly. “So I guess this means you wouldn’t be able to visit me.”

  Rilla shook her head. “I wouldn’t be able to handle the drive, let alone spending time so far inland.”

  He stroked her hair. “Then I’ll have to spend more time here. If you’ll have me.”

  “You aren’t running away.” She smiled. “That’s a good sign.”

  “I’m in love with you.” His eyes widened and he pressed his lips together.

  Rilla’s chest tightened, and for a moment she had no words. She pulled back and stared at him, shock mingling with warmth and an expansion in her heart. Happiness. Something she’d experienced only as her true self until now.

  But Ciaran coul
dn’t mean what he’d said. Rilla couldn’t believe it. “You’ve only been here a night.”

  “We’ve been talking a year.” He shrugged, looking confused. “I’ve known for months. I loved you years ago. That hasn’t changed. Maybe it should have, but I feel the same about you as I did in junior high. I came out here to see how we’d be together, in person, and to talk to you about having a life together.”

  “This is...” Her tears began to fall, and she made no effort to stop them. She couldn’t hide her smile, either, as her heart soared. He wanted her. Even with what he’d learned that morning. She’d dreamed of hearing him say it, but she hadn’t believed it could happen.

  She hadn’t believed he would accept her secret.

  “No pressure.” Ciaran put his finger over Rilla’s lips. “Don’t decide anything now. I think my mind was made up when I decided to visit you, but my heart didn’t know until now. You’re trusting me with something you’ve never told anyone else. And waking up beside you this morning...”

  “It’s where we belong,” Rilla said softly.

  “Yes.”

  Rilla rested her head against Ciaran’s shoulder and sobbed softly. She’d had years of being alone. Of being afraid. Even when she and Ciaran had found each other online, she’d been certain she wouldn’t be able to let him get close. Even remembering how good he’d been to her in junior high.

  She wouldn’t be alone anymore. Even though Ciaran had been with her only a night, she knew. Asking him to leave his life wouldn’t be fair, but it was what she wanted. And he had said he was in love with her.

  She hadn’t replied to that. “I love you,” she said.

  “I’m glad.”

  He tightened his arms around her, and a sense of such strong warmth and safety surrounded her that for a moment, she could only cry harder.

  “You told me once, months ago, that the ocean keeps you company,” Ciaran said.

  “I did?” Rilla didn’t remember saying it.

  “You did, and I thought then that you shouldn’t be so alone.” He kissed her forehead. “Is there room in your life for the ocean and me?”

  She didn’t even have to think about it. “Of course. But you have your job. Friends, family, a life.”

  “A life I want you in,” he said gently. “And if having you means leaving all of that to be here, I’m willing to at least consider it. As you said, we belong here. Not you alone anymore. Us. I knew it the moment I saw you, and after last night...” He chuckled. “I have no doubt.”

  “It was good.” She smiled.

  The water bubbled in the pot, and she got up to turn off the burner. Ciaran followed and put his arms around her from behind. “We don’t have to decide it all now.”

  “I know.” She turned in his arms and kissed his lips. “But I think we already have. I love you. Stay with me. I promise even when I leave, I’ll always come back.”

  “I love you too.”

  He touched his mouth to hers, and outside the sound of the waves against the rocks grew louder for a moment then quieted again, as if the sea had given its approval.

  About the Author

  Karenna Colcroft is the alter ego of a shy, sedate wife and mother. In 2006, on a dare from a friend, she began writing erotic romance and hasn't stopped since. Her first book was published in 2009. Karenna is a sap for stories about people overcoming abuse and other trauma to find true, healthy love. She lives in the northeastern United States with her two teenagers, her real-life romance hero husband, and three cats.

  Read more at Karenna Colcroft’s site.

  About the Publisher

  Vegan Wolf Productions takes its name from Karenna Colcroft's male/male paranormal series Real Werewolves Don't Eat Meat, and is the home to books from Karenna and her YA counterpart Jo Ramsey.